Rita Padawangi

The True Love Puzzle

The question of "love" and "true love" is always a catchy issue. While this is an important issue in life, people often capitalize on this through various services, from consultancy to matchmaking. I am not going to discuss those phenomena today. Instead, I want to challenge the "definition" of "love" and "match" that I often hear from friends and various sources.

Some of my friends said that there is only one match for us. Like a two-piece puzzle, another person is created for each of us that would match us in every way. Although this is a very nice way to put it, the reality is more challenging. If that is so, then what is our role in finding that person? What is our role in creating that person? If that is so, then we are passive recipients of fate. Is it true that we are passive beings?

Life is a journey that we all take part in its creation. We meet various people at various time. Each would take part in that journey, whether it is a huge part or a short one. Nevertheless, I believe that we, as human beings, always have choices. Our privilege as human is that to a certain degree we have the privilege to make that choice. Sometimes, through social or personal constraints, our privilege is limited. But whatever it is, everything happens for a reason and there is always something to learn from our experiences.

Choices of the path that we are taking in that journey include choices of a partner. I met a few guys before my journey harbor me to the one I am with right now. It is not a short nor simple journey, but I believe that I took part in every choice I have made in that road. I felt that there are intangible guidance here and there in the process that helped me see the most feasible paths in my life. At the same time, I also realize that my thoughts and my heart are invested in every step along the way. It's not just about serendipities. It was conscious decisions of him and me and actions to keep in touch, whatever the form was, that brought the two of us together after a decade of knowing each other. In each step in my life, there are always happiness and challenges. When I look back, I realize that I have learned much from the process. It has made me who I am right now.

True love is not a static thing. It has to be dynamic. A loving couple is two people growing together and bring the best out of each other. And, the most important, we should be the ones making the decision of who we want to be with. It's true that we can ask for guidance, but it should not spare us from taking part in the creation of love. Otherwise, it would be something imposed on us, and it would be something that we don't take ownership in. Actively participating in our own lives make us appreciate life more. Then, we will never regret our decision, because we are the ones who made it. We will be responsible in each step we make. If the road is rocky along the way, we can fix it. If the two-piece puzzle seem to not match that well in the beginning, it does not mean that it would not match forever! It all depends on how we view love. Love is not something given. It is something we create and maintain. It is something we cultivate.

No one is the "right person" until we love them. Of course serendipities happen and signs are provided from "above". But we don't mess with that; it is not our territory to take them as signs or serendipities before our own actions and decisions bring us together with the other person. Our decision is what we want to do to keep in touch, what we want to do to cultivate love, and what we want to do for our future. The two-piece match puzzle is something created through a process of love, not something we are born with. We are born with the materials of the puzzle, but not the exact form. We need to form it to match the other person. The energy needed to form it comes from love. Then, when we have declared love with the other person, we can look back and realize those signs and serendipities to strengthen our love and convince us to take a step further to form the puzzle.

This is what I learned through my "true love" experience. How about you?

Happy Valentine's Day!

posted by Rita Padawangi @ 4:08 PM